Expecting a heated discussion at the dinner table this year?
We’ve chosen a handful of popular Thanksgiving recipes that are ideal for chucking across the room… or smooshing directly into Uncle Alan’s face.
So warm up that arm of yours and strategically survey your options before the food fight begins.
Dinner won’t be for another hour. You’re already starting to sweat. Cousin Ruby won’t stop babbling nonsense, and unfortunately the wine isn’t enough to drown out her incessant chatter. Oh but that platter of shiny, goopy deviled eggs is thankfully within arm’s reach. Simply grab an egg, casually wind up, then send that thing flying across the room towards your target. Success! At this point if you’re feeling confident, make eye contact and own up to your stunt or blame it on someone else. Just remember to stash a second egg in your front pocket. Ammunition you know. (You’ll probably need it later.)
Snowball forming and throwing techniques can be applied here. Your mountain man brother definitely has an advantage, so you’re going to want to coerce him into taking your side before complete mayhem breaks out.
One word… marshmallows. Those gooey buggers are guaranteed to stick to your target. Send a wad of mallow covered sweet taters into the culprit’s hair (beards are best) then proceed to offer up a jar of peanut butter to help get the stickiness out because you’re so dang thoughtful. (Yes, peanut butter is sometimes used to get gum out of hair so why not marshmallows?)
Canned Cranberries (in can form, duh)
Clearly we don’t have a recipe for this one. But all you have to do is slink into the kitchen when the dining area begins to feel even tenser than normal, crack open a can or two of crans, then carefully squeeze the contents out into your ready hands. Reenter the danger zone, aim, and fire. Did we mention that cranberries stain? Well they do. Wear all black to dinner like a boss. At least you will be covered in case others follow your canned cran lead.
Stinky Brussels sprouts are hardly worth eating anyway. As soon as the squabbles commence, grab a handful of those suckers and make quick work of the room. Then quietly go back to enjoying your meal like nothing happened because you’re the only sane person around.
Do we really need to spell it out for you. Dinner rolls are the perfect size and shape for chucking, and they’re the best option for long distance lobs. Seeking a freshman P.E. dodge ball redemption? This might be your best opportunity to do so.
Forget throwing when you can smoosh food right into someone’s face. Pie is a traditional option, so why not keep it simple? Extra credit if you manage to pile on the whipped cream before taking action. We’re all about maximum impact, but we do recommend reserving pecan pie for actual consumption… can’t let those expensive pecans go to waste.
You thought you’d make it through the feast without any bumps, but then your sister-in-law Carole had to start something after everyone finished up their last bites of pie. Of all the leftovers lying about, cold, gelatinous gravy is your best bet. Simply dip your cupped hand in there and expertly sling that stuff into Carole’s curls. Gravy is a fantastic conditioner, so she shouldn’t be too upset.
All jokes aside, we do hope everyone remains civil… unless someone nabs the last slice of Grandma Ethel’s famous all-butter crust deep dish heirloom apple pie before you manage to get a taste. (But that’s a whole other matter.)
And if you really cannot resist the urge to throw something, toss Fido a stray piece of turkey (or five) under the table. He’ll appreciate your generosity.
Looking for more Thanksgiving inspo? We have loads of delicious recipes to share with family and friends.
Need some help choosing which size turkey to purchase, figuring out how long it needs to thaw (if frozen), or how long to cook the thing? Hop on over to our handy turkey calculator.
Want to actually plan ahead? Schedule your recipes in Menu Planner.
Time to shop? Add ingredients to your Grocery List.